In this episode, Sarah and Pam discuss gratitude as an antidote to negativity bias and a path to happiness. Learn how gratitude is a habit that you can cultivate through practices such as journaling, mindfulness, and creating rituals. Developing a gratitude practice makes you feel in control of your life and increases satisfaction and happiness. Sharing gratitude with others can even improve personal relationships and workplace dynamics.

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David Steindl-Rast Ted Talk on Gratitude

https://mynoise.net/

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Transcript

This transcript was generated by AI so please ignore any weird errors. If there is anything really terrible, let us know.

Pam (00:00)
So in a lot of our episodes, we bring up gratitude as an antidote to whatever we’re talking about. And we recently did an episode where we discussed negativity bias. It was an episode about negativity bias and confirmation bias. And we talked about gratitude being an antidote to negativity bias, but we’ve never done a deep dive into gratitude itself.

So I wanted to do an episode about what gratitude actually is. When we say that, what do we even mean? What are we talking about? A little bit of the science behind it, kind of bringing it out of the like woo -woo territory and making it more of a concrete thing that people can bring into their lives and give some examples from our experiences and then give people tips on how they could integrate it into their lives.

Sarah (00:30)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I love it. Let’s get started.

Pam (00:51)
Perfect. All right, so let’s talk about like why gratitude first. The biggest thing to me, and we both had it on our notes, is that it makes you happy.

Sarah (00:55)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah, on a basic level, what we focus on is how we experience life. So you mentioned our previous episode on negativity bias, and in that we talked about the fact that, wow, when we’re harping on the negative, when we keep going back to the problem or the mistake or the concern, then we can really just get swept up in that, and that becomes our lived experience. And so the opposite of that is intentionally seeking out what’s working.

Seeking out what’s good and really shining a light on that. And then our experience of life, our experience of every day feels that much better. And so that’s why I I really do think it is one of the ingredients, one of the fastest and most sustainable paths to happiness.

Pam (01:49)
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. When I was trying to think of examples of the way, like the way my brain worked before I really got into a gratitude practice, I was much more focused on things that bothered me on a day -to -day basis. Like I would notice things that irritated me much more frequently than I would appreciate things that made me happy. And so I wanted to give some examples of that and…

Sarah (01:59)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (02:19)
I actually struggled to find examples because I realized that after having this kind of gratitude practice as my default for so long, that every time I thought of something that irritated me, immediately my brain would go, yeah, but think about these five other things that are so great. So I was talking to CK about that. I was telling him how I was struggling to come up with.

Sarah (02:36)
Yeah, yeah.

Pam (02:45)
examples and I told him that the only example that I could come up with was that it really used to bother me when I would look around the house and I would see dust on the furniture and I was like, can’t he see this? Like, why doesn’t he ever dust? Why do I have to be the only person that ever dusts? And that would irritate me that he didn’t see that. And now when I try and think about that.

Sarah (03:01)
Mm -hmm.

Pam (03:06)
my brain immediately goes, well, yeah, so he doesn’t see the dust, but he does the dishes and he vacuums and he cleans the dining table and it lists off all of these things that I’m actually grateful for. So I was relating this to him and he said, I’ve got one that when I do the dishes, sometimes you don’t rinse dishes well enough and you put them in the dishwasher and then they come out still dirty because you didn’t put them in the right way.

Sarah (03:19)
Mm -hmm.

Right.

Pam (03:36)
And he said, but then I realized that the reason the dishes are dirty is because you’ve made dinner for me. So I’m grateful for you making that dish dirty.

Sarah (03:48)
Sounds like CK has been doing his gratitude practices too.

Pam (03:51)
He has, he has, yes. So those are just some examples of ways that gratitude can kind of shift the way that you’re thinking about things instead of being focused on the negative that you’re seeing or the irritations that you’re seeing. You can kind of consciously balance that out with the things that you’re happy about or that you don’t usually notice.

as positives because we just kind of discount those and we focus on the negativity. So by like actively paying attention to the positive, you can counteract those negatives.

Sarah (04:23)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I like the examples that you shared because in both yours and CK’s example, you illuminated that the default, the beginning position was irritation at the part that you didn’t like. And then with really it’s retraining yourself to seek what’s genuinely positive. This isn’t, you know, ignoring something that’s a real problem and, you know, a real source of concern in your life. We’re not advocating for that.

Pam (04:45)
Mm -hmm.

.

Sarah (04:57)
But in these, not at all, right? So in these situations, they’re not a real problem. And so you can train yourself to like find the alternative to find the part that feels good. And then it becomes default. And I’ve, I certainly am like that too. Regularly, if there’s a challenge going on, I’ll see it as, okay, well, at least what’s something I learned from it or what’s a way we can bounce back and have it be even better.

And that has come from, and that’s a natural response that I’ll have to many challenges. And that’s come really from years and years of actively working on this and fine tuning that muscle. And I think that’s why I’m so excited to talk about it today, because I think it’s something very concrete that everyone, I’m going to continue to do my whole life and you are and…

What a chance to encourage listeners to do that. It’s not just a cheesy thing people talk about… Gratitude Journal. I really think it is a way of taking your mindset and your life, like taking control in a very specific way that’s gonna make you happier.

Pam (06:05)
Yep. So let’s talk about a few of the reasons that it does work then. So the first that comes to mind is that thoughts are habits. We’ve talked about this many times before. So if your habit is to think negatively or to notice the things that bother you, that habit will just become stronger and stronger the longer you have it. So,

Sarah (06:10)
Okay, yeah.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Pam (06:32)
You can probably see this in people that you maybe know that are older who have just become like grumpier and angrier and more negative and they’re not fun to be around, right? And they didn’t start out like that, probably. It just kind of builds over time if you’re not consciously adjusting those habits. But if you build that muscle, that gratitude muscle, and you change your habit, once it becomes habitual, it builds on itself. That’s just what habits do.

Sarah (06:35)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pam (07:02)
Yep. Another thing that you actually just mentioned was a feeling of control. So gratitude makes you feel like you’re more in control of your life. And being more in control increases satisfaction and happiness. Studies have shown that time and time again. So an example would be like, in my business, if I have a client that is not a good fit for me,

I could choose to be upset about the job not working out. If I decide to not work with them anymore, I could choose to be upset about the loss of income. There’s a lot of negative things that could come out of a bad interaction with a client, a bad partnership with a client.

Sarah (07:52)
Mm -hmm.

Pam (07:53)
And then that could color my future interactions with other clients and the way that I interact with them as far as, you know, contracts that I put in place or how I charge for the work that I do or the services that I provide. Like it could negatively impact how I work with future clients. Or I can focus on being grateful that I can let a client go and free up space.

for a better opportunity. And that puts me in control rather than feeling like I am like a victim

Sarah (08:26)
Mm -hmm.

100 % and you can also be grateful for the lessons that you learn with that client because as a self -reflective person, you can say, okay, well, why didn’t this work out? How could I have advocated for my boundaries more quickly at the beginning? How could I have set clear expectations or what warning signs might I notice in the future, right? To protect myself when the situation could be even.

you know, more unpleasant or more negative. So there’s always, if you’re reflective about something and you’re willing to harness the learnings from it, there’s always something to be grateful for, which is that you’re learning something from the experience, which is going to support you in the future. And so I just, I wanted to build on what you were saying about control because I love this point. And I would also add the word authorship. So when I’m teaching about leadership,

Pam (09:15)
Yep.

Sarah (09:27)
The model that I’m using is that we have self -acceptance and we also have self -authority. So we’re accepting ourselves fully for who we are and what we’re bringing to the table. And we’re also giving ourselves permission to take action. Part of that is that’s the authority piece. And so that is how you’re telling your story. And so the same series of events can take place and you can look at it and say,

what you didn’t like or how that hurt you. And you also can look at it and harness the learnings from it and be grateful for those learnings. And again, I’m not talking about toxic positivity here where we ignore genuine trauma and disparity. I’m talking about what are the learnings that you can take from it that are going to, that serve you. And that is always, there’s always,

something to be grateful, there’s always a gift or an opportunity in there. So I think it’s a really important part of leadership as well.

Pam (10:28)
Absolutely, that’s a great point. I hadn’t heard that… authorship was the term you used? Yeah, I hadn’t heard of that before. It’s great. So on the happiness front about how gratitude makes you happy, one of the things that I think a lot of people suffer from is what I call “I’ll be happy when” syndrome. And it’s that thing that…

Sarah (10:33)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, self -authorship.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Pam (10:55)
you think like, okay, when I get the job where I’m making six figures and I can get the house that I want or buy the car that I want or have the partner that I want, there’s all these things that you think that once you achieve them, that will make you happy. And then you get there and you’re not happy. You move the goalposts. It’s like, okay, well, I got that car now. I’ll really be happy when I get an even nicer car. And it’s this constant hamster wheel of never, ever getting to the point where you’re actually happy because you’re just trying to get material things or…

Sarah (11:06)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (11:25)
accomplish goals. And being grateful for what you have right now is the kind of antidote to that and realizing that you can be happy now, you can appreciate what you’ve got, and still achieve more, still want more, you can continue to strive.

Sarah (11:41)
Mm -hmm. 100%.

100%. And I, I’m reminded of an exercise. I can’t remember where I heard it, but I’ll try to find it for the show notes where there’s an exercise where you write out a list and you write out a list of what you’re like, you’re alternating between two things. The first is you write down something that you’re grateful for, that you’ve already achieved. The next is something that you want to achieve in the future. After that is something you’re already grateful for that you’ve already.

that you already have and after that is something that you want in the future. So you’re flipping back and forth. And I really love that concept because I think oftentimes people can feel, well, if I’m too grateful, if I’m too grateful for what I have, I’m going to become complacent and then I’m no longer going to be ambitious and I’m no longer going to strive for anything else, just turn into a bum. And that’s just not true. Right. And both things can

happen simultaneously. And I think it’s important to remember what you have right now can be what you wanted for and what you worked for for years.

Pam (12:54)
Yeah, CK and I talk about that all the time because we love our house so much. We moved in here about three years ago. We were in the fairly small condo before. And even after being here for three years, we both have this thing that every time we walk into a room, like we both love the living room area. Every time we walk in there, we’re like, oh my God, this is ours. Like we get to live here. You know, it’s, yeah, it just keeps it fresh. And the, it’s interesting that you brought up that exercise with.

Sarah (12:59)
Mmm.

That’s so great, yeah.

Pam (13:24)
listing one thing that you want and one thing that you already have because there’s this study or like type of science, I think it’s called neuro economics. And they actually study the neurobiological processes that happen when we make decisions. And it’s a lot of things associated with cognitive bias. And they’ve discovered that you don’t get a dopamine release

from thinking about something that you want to get in the future, you only get it from like having it right now. So getting it or having it. So in order to get that positive feeling, you have to express gratitude for what you already have. If you’re only thinking about what you want in the future, you don’t get that positive feeling, you don’t get that dopamine release.

Sarah (13:59)
Mmm. Mmm.

Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, I love using what you’ve already achieved to get a dopamine hit. Why not? You’ve already got it. Yeah.

Pam (14:21)
Yeah, yeah, you got it.

Sarah (14:25)
we think I’m going to be grateful once I’ve achieved this X, Y, and Z to make me happy. But the truth is we have to be grateful first and then the happiness comes. See, it’s so confusing. I could barely get it out. So the truth is it’s not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy. And I listened, I found that Ted talk that I sent to you quite delightful. It was a monk called monk David.

Steindl Rast and he did a talk on gratitude and happiness, and he really underscored it in a very clear way, the happiness piece.

Pam (15:05)
Yeah, we’ll link to that Ted talk in the show notes. It was good.

Okay, so let’s talk about putting this into practice. Like what does that actually look like to have a gratitude practice?

Sarah (15:14)
Mm -hmm.

All right, well, what does it look like for you?

Pam (15:20)
So for me, I don’t do a specific like journaling practice or anything like that. Like with the type of practice that you do where you list like five things that you’re grateful for, which you’ll go into more detail about because I probably just butchered it. But I do try and journal things that I’m happy about or grateful for. But the like in practice, what it is, is that I’m very specific. If

Sarah (15:25)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Pam (15:48)
I want to recognize something. It won’t just be like, oh, today was a good day. Like I will go into detail. I will say, oh, I’m so grateful for the beautiful weather that we had today. When I walked outside and I felt the sun on my skin, that felt really great. And, you know, I will kind of like go through listing off in specific detail, all of the things that made me happy because doing it in that detail,

Sarah (16:06)
Mm -hmm.

Hmm.

Pam (16:18)
it kind of makes you relive it and it really reinforces what it was about the experience or about the thing that really made me have that warm fuzzy feeling.

Sarah (16:28)
And do you do that? Like you journal on it or you’re just thinking it to yourself?

Pam (16:34)
Yeah, at this point, I just think it to myself. I really try to do it in the moment. So one of the things is like, it can be, you can ignore those like fleeting, happy feelings. Like going back to the weather example, because we had really nice weather this week and I’m a sun worshiper. So, you know, I could very easily walk outside and be like, oh, it’s such a nice day. And then like, go on, because I’ve got 50 things on my to -do list.

Sarah (16:36)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yes.

Pam (17:01)
But what I do is I try and make it in the moment. As soon as I walk outside and I feel that sun, I take a breath. I’m like, oh, just feel this for a minute. Just soak it in so that I’m getting that experience in the moment rather than it just being a reflective practice of the next day journaling. Oh yeah, that was awesome. I try and make it more of an ongoing throughout the day. Just think it. I’m not standing out in my driveway going, I’m so grateful for this weather. Yeah.

Sarah (17:25)
Yeah.

Arms out. Yeah.

Pam (17:32)
But yeah, it’s more of like, just in the moment thoughts for me. I do do some journaling. If there’s something that really stands out, I will, you know, write about it in the mornings. But for the most part, it’s just sort of a ongoing, you know, chatter in my brain.

Sarah (17:39)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, you have a mindfulness practice. I mean mean, you practice mindfulness regularly. And so that really facilitates this because in the moment you’re thinking, oh, this is something I’m grateful for. This is something that makes me happy. This is something I love. And so you can really seep into that. Yeah. And I do that as well. Sorry, did you want to say anything else about that?

Pam (18:16)
No, I was just going to ask about you.

Sarah (18:18)
Okay, yeah. So I do that as well. I also, I’ve talked about this many times on the podcast. I should get a commission, but I use the five minute journal. I used to write in a gratitude journal, so I would just use different notebooks. I did it for years and I still have a lot of them. I don’t keep them religiously, but some of the notebooks still manage to stick around and I’ll open them up and I’ll see little entries of, you know, when my daughter was a baby and what that felt like. It’s very sweet to read that.

So I used to have notebooks strictly for gratitude. I don’t do that anymore. I simply use the five minute journal and that asks me in the morning for three things that I’m grateful for. And then in the evening for three things that went well that day, which also tend to be things that I’m grateful for. So that’s a more formal practice that I have and I’ll list

different things. It might be for my warm cozy bed. It might be that my dog is so sweet because she tends to be the first creature that I interact with in the morning and she’s always waiting at the bottom of the stairs with her little chin on the stair looking up and then her tail starts thumping on the ground and she also started sneezing when she’s happy. Which is so cute. So very adorable. So I’ll often reflect on that because she’s the first.

Pam (19:32)
Aww.

Oh, adorable.

Sarah (19:46)
creature I see and then it could be anything. It can be about my awesome work, it could be my garden, it could be an activity I’m going to do, you know, anything. So sometimes they’re big things like, oh my gosh, I’m so happy that I live in this city that I like so much that has a lot of rights and freedoms and great art going on, or it could be something as small as, you know, a specific work opportunity that day.

But I’m always, so that’s part of my formal practice, which takes really a couple of minutes. And then on top of that, like you, I’m attuned to it now after doing it five minutes a day for 10, 15, I don’t even know how many years I’m attuned to it. And so I’ll seek out consciously and unconsciously, I’ll be seeking out what is good about different scenarios throughout the day as well.

Pam (20:43)
I think that’s a great point. So you can, like, if you don’t have any sort of a practice in place right now and you want to build gratitude, it’s great to start with something concrete, like a five minute journal, a gratitude journal, something where you have like a plan and a format for your day so that you can build that habit. And then once you start kind of getting your brain used to looking for things to be grateful for, then you can bring it into your kind of everyday.

Sarah (20:55)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

mm-hmm.

Pam (21:13)
And it’s not gonna just like overnight, you’re not just gonna go, oh, I’m a grateful person. All of a sudden my brain works this way. It is something that you have to build up that practice. And like we said, you’re combating that negativity bias that is the default for your brain. So it’s gonna take a little while to build this up and to get it to be your default. Like you were just saying, 10, 15 years you’ve had this practice in place. I’ve been doing it eight or 10 years. And so it definitely wasn’t a default right out of the gate.

Sarah (21:44)
Yeah, great point. Personally, I think having a daily practice where you have the notebook beside your bed, I was just explaining to Pam about how the fact that I have my computer and my stuff all over the house, but one thing that’s always consistent is that my journal is beside my bed. And so really there’s no excuse, there’s no distraction in the morning and at night. It’s so easy for me to use.

So that’s something I always suggest to my clients is just keep it beside your bed with a pen and it’s going to be easier to be consistent. So I, well, yeah.

Pam (22:18)
On that real quick, studies have shown that doing a gratitude practice before you go to sleep improves sleep quality and length. So yeah, it’s a win -win.

Sarah (22:28)
Great. There you go. Another, it is a win -win and another plus for keeping it beside your bed and doing the practice. So I recommended daily practice for sure. And then there are other techniques that some people use just on the topic. You said, well, how do we do it? Well, there are different things you can do. You can write a gratitude letter to yourself, to your future self about what you’re grateful for. You can write a gratitude letter to other people in your life.

Whether you send it or not, though it’s always nice to send it and share the love about what you’re grateful for, why you appreciate them. You can use prompts, right? There are different things you could purchase or you can find for free online with prompts of things to be grateful for. There’s certain rituals that people follow. For example, a prayer before saying grace, before a meal is an example of that,

or expressing thanks before bedtime. Sometimes my kids and I have a ritual. We do rose bud thorn, which is the rose is something that went well. The bud is something that you are looking forward to. So it hasn’t bloomed yet. And the thorn is something that didn’t go well. So those are all examples of rituals that you’re maybe not doing every single morning or every single night. But.

could be an event that you cultivate for yourself where you’re practicing gratitude and you’re getting into that rhythm.

Pam (24:04)
I like it. I like that you mentioned expressing gratitude in a gratitude letter or sharing it with someone else, because I think that really takes gratitude to the next level. When you tell someone, you know, thank you, or I really appreciate this, or, you know, whatever it is, you are building connection with them and reinforcing your relationship, building your relationship. And…

Sarah (24:10)
Mmm. Yeah.

Mmm.

Pam (24:32)
it has the added benefit that when you express gratitude to someone for doing something that reinforces to them that you value and appreciate what they did. So then they’re more likely to do that again in the future. So you get more of what you want. So it’s another win -win. But I think it’s so easy to think, oh, I appreciate this, or I should thank them for this. And then you forget about it, or you feel silly even. Like they’re…

Sarah (24:44)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it’s so true. It’s so weird. It feels vulnerable to be like, I appreciate you.

Pam (25:02)
Right?

Yeah.

It does, which is crazy because who doesn’t like to be appreciated?

Sarah (25:13)
Yeah, no one. We all love it.

Pam (25:15)
Yeah, but it does, it feels vulnerable. And then on the other side, I think that there are things that people do and you just kind of think, well, like, of course they should do that. Why should I thank my partner for putting away the dishes? Like, that’s what we have to do, we’re running house. So if you can kind of take yourself out of that, like taking things for granted and…

Sarah (25:30)
Mm.

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

Pam (25:41)
Be appreciative for things even if the other person should have just done them. Appreciating people simply for being who they are. It doesn’t have to be doing something phenomenal. It can just be like, hey, thank you for taking the trash out. Or I had a really busy day today and it really helped me that you cleaned the kitchen or like whatever it is, like these little things that could very easily just be part of life and disregarded.

Sarah (25:46)
I don’t know.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (26:10)
Taking the time to express appreciation for that can be huge for improving your connection, improving your relationship, and building a stronger bond.

Sarah (26:10)
Yeah.

I love everything you’re saying. And the other thing that’s coming up for me when you said to not take things for granted. So I think sometimes people wait to feel gratitude for something once that thing has sadly changed or gone. So feeling gratitude, expressing gratitude or love for a person, for example, when the relationship is over or the person is gone.

Pam (26:38)
Yeah.

Sarah (26:50)
Right? And then people think, oh my gosh, I wish I could, if only I could go back in time, I would say these things. I would share these things. So why not do it now?

Yeah. And similarly, for the moment that you have, people will say, oh, I wish I appreciated my ability if they’re having a health problem and now they’re struggling walking. I wish I had appreciated the simple joy of walking to the store, walking to the corner store, walking my dog, going to a dance club. When’s the last time I went to a dance club and now I can’t, right? And so why?

Why should we wait until something has been taken from us before we really revel in how great that thing or that person is?

Pam (27:38)
Absolutely. I’m thinking of something that Ruth, who I’ve mentioned here before, my myofascial therapist, she’s always a fountain of wisdom. And one of the things that she has taught me is if you have an injury and you’re recovering from it, to express gratitude to your body when you don’t have the pain anymore or when you can do the movement that used to hurt. So like really embodying the gratefulness and telling, you know,

Sarah (27:54)
Mm.

Pam (28:07)
telling your nervous system like, hey, that was great. You just did that thing without pain. So gratitude can be a positive for your mental state, but it can also improve your physical health. Yeah. Okay, are there any other practices that people could use if journaling isn’t their thing or something else that they could try?

Sarah (28:12)
Mm -hmm.

That’s cool. That’s really cool.

Um, well, there are different, um, what would I say? Okay. So for people who love connecting with others and who maybe want to have more interactions with people, you could start a gratitude group or a gratitude, um, sort of system with a friend or with a group of friends where you’re each sharing every single day. So for example, you could have a WhatsApp group and every single person.

sends a photo every day of something that they’re grateful for or writes a message. And then you get to share yours with the group or friend, and then you get to experience what your other friends are grateful for. So that could be a really cool thing. And then a few suggestions for people who are visual or creative. You can create a gratitude vision board or mood board. You can create a gratitude

playlist of music that you love and listen to that. Maybe you have scents like a smell that makes you feel really good. You can buy that, like you can cultivate. What I like about all of these examples that I’m giving right now is that you’re cultivating something for yourself that’s going to feel good and that’s going to enhance the gratitude.

And I think that with a gratitude practice, also a byproduct is that you’ll start doing more things for yourself that you’re going to be grateful for because you’re used to finding things to be grateful for. So why not do more for yourself? The other day I was in a workshop, a leadership coaching workshop, and they were teaching us AI tools for coaching. And one of the tools was really cool. It’s this,

I’ll send it to you because you’ll like it. It’s a music website or a sound website. And it has all these natural sounds Why do I think you’re gonna like it cuz you like

Pam (30:33)
Okay.

I’ve got a story to tell you in a second that is going to maybe blow your mind. This is really funny.

Sarah (30:44)
Okay. Okay. I just feel that you always like these kinds of tools. So anyways, mynoise .net has all these super cool sounds and like different types of white noise, which I love. I worked in white noise. I sleep to white noise as we know. But you can set it to, for example, cozy was called like cozy rain storm. And then it was like cozy window in Ireland, like all these very specific things.

And it was really creating a great feeling for me. And I thought, well, why not keep playing with this? Why not do this? And then it was giving me something to be grateful for. So I think in the rhythm of expressing gratitude, you end up cultivating for yourself things small and big to be grateful for.

Pam (31:38)
I I had a nightmare last night that I hadn’t put our recording session on my calendar. So I was just sitting at my computer working and like, you know, hair is a mess, outfit was, you know, whatever. And all of a sudden my camera turned on and you were there and we had to record an episode. And so I was like, okay. And so we start recording and then you were acting like a like 1980s radio DJ and you kept playing like videos and sounds.

Sarah (31:40)
Uh huh.

Yeah.

Wow.

Pam (32:08)
and like interrupting when we were talking and like you’d be like, and now, and it was AI driven sounds.

Sarah (32:15)
What?

That is weird. Did you remember the dream until right now?

Pam (32:19)
That is so funny.

I I remembered and I told CK about it this morning. Yeah, I usually remember my dreams. I’ve got very vivid dreams and I remember them. But I woke up very grateful that that was not a reality.

Sarah (32:26)
Oh yeah.

Yeah, I haven’t turned into an AI bot. I just listened to this website a few times, don’t worry.

Pam (32:43)
What was really funny though is I like I wanted to support your ideas So I was sitting there and I was like, okay, like maybe this isn’t the right vibe for our show But I don’t want to tell Sarah no because she’s so excited about this

Sarah (32:49)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

I’m so excited about her new AI tricks.

Pam (33:00)
Oh, that’s so funny. Anyway, yeah, I totally agree that, you know, focusing on what you’re grateful for and what makes you feel good can help you do more of that for yourself. And that just fuels the happiness. Yeah, I love it. I don’t think there’s any way that a gratitude practice won’t benefit your life.

Sarah (33:05)
That is funny. Oh.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (33:28)
like every facet of your life. It will help your career. It will help your relationship. It will just kind of make you more inherently happy. It just improves everything.

Sarah (33:39)
It does, and it also is going to improve your conversation skills because you have stuff to talk about that’s positive instead of just complaining. So when you’re interacting with people at work or at a party, you’re not just going to go to the default of complaining.

Pam (33:48)
I love that.

so interesting because I’m actually thinking about how like having a gratitude practice, it makes you you know more mindful and more focused and it makes you more interested because you’re looking for things that that you know make you happier that you want to pay attention to and when you’re more interested you are more interesting. Yeah super interesting. In the workplace one thing that I found was that

Sarah (34:11)
Mm -hmm. I think so.

Correct, yeah.

Pam (34:30)
53 % of employees said they would stay at their company longer if they felt more appreciated. So expressing gratitude to coworkers, employees, you know, it probably feels even more vulnerable and weird to do it in a work situation than it does with friends or in a relationship. But if you’re building a team, I think it’s extremely valuable to build a gratitude practice into work.

Sarah (34:32)
Mm -hmm.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Pam (35:00)
Um.

Sarah (35:03)
Interesting, yeah.

Pam (35:04)
Yeah, I thought I had something else more there, but I don’t.

Sarah (35:08)
That’s interesting. Yah, somebody who I’m coaching and supporting them to bring more coaching skills into their workplace, this was something that we discussed. And it was precisely that. It was the vulnerability of providing genuine praise to their team because they had not really been taught that skill as a manager.

before. And so there was some vulnerability there around, is this actually a good thing to do? And then we landed on, yeah, it is, particularly because these are the areas where these team members are thriving and doing well. And so shine the light on it and tell them point blank, I really admire this and I’m grateful that you’re doing this and you do this exceptionally well. And so they started

acknowledging their employees in such a way. And they said that the employees just lit up. They were so happy, right? So we want to be appreciated. We want to. Yeah.

Pam (36:16)
Absolutely.

Yeah.

One of the things that I like to do is if I have a memory of something that I, you know, is a warm memory, like something that my mom did or something like that, I will make a point to reach out and share that memory with them and say, you know, it doesn’t have to be specific, like I’m so grateful for, it’s just sharing that positive memory of something that you have a good association with.

Sarah (36:26)
Mm.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (36:47)
they will feel appreciated that you’re reaching out to them, that you’re thinking about them and that you’re having that memory. So this like, we’re calling it gratitude practice and it sounds very official, but it doesn’t have to be that formal. It doesn’t have to be, you know, I am grateful for X, Y, and Z. It’s really more of just like an idea of paying attention to the things that feel good and that make you happy and that you do appreciate and acknowledging them to yourself.

Sarah (37:00)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Pam (37:16)
and sharing them with others.

Sarah (37:19)
That’s a great way to wrap up. So go forth and find the good.